Trying to Move Forward in Life And Chose The Dating App Route? Let Me Help You On That Road

That’s it! You’ve done it. Now that you’re even reading this line, there’s no going back. You’re probably in dire need of a companion in your life and you have none in some time. You’re most probably single (why would you be here if you’re not), either having a really bad luck with socializing and life, or maybe just a shut-in livestream viewer or maybe a shut-in gamer who for once wants to move forward in life for the first time. Well then my boys and girls, since you’ve chosen the dating app route, let me give you some advice to smoothen your dating app journey.

Online dating is the world’s finest invention. Consider: it’s like online sex shopping. A dialogue begins after you view profiles. Then you can look forward to a new life of love, romance, and passionate lovemaking.

Or so they said.

.In reality it is THAT game at the amusement park where you have to shoot a row of ducks but no one can seem to strike the target. But, unless you’re a master Marine Corps sniper, you’ll often go home empty-handed. Online dating is a pain. As someone who has benefited (fairly) from numerous dating apps available in Malaysia, I know how difficult and irritating it can be. I’ve made innumerable mistakes, posted foolish photos, sent idiotic messages, and had “sure things” vanish.

This experience has allowed me to figure out what I’m doing and I’d like to share some of my tricks with you. These suggestions are for both men and women and should help you avoid some of my mistakes.

Online dating is nothing more than a means of meeting new people. Many dating sites cater to very specialised groups or interests, and the number of dating sites in Malaysia is continually increasing. There are sites for elders, Muslims, fitness enthusiasts, people looking for friends, and others interested in more mature activities. But let’s push all the others aside and  concentrate on the most basic form of dating site in this article: one that aims to bring two people together for a romantic relationship. While the rules and practises of each individual dating site may differ, it can apply to the majority of popular dating services.

1. The Main Profile Picture

Writing a great first message is one of the most crucial online dating skills you will ever master. This is partially true. Sure, your opening message and profile will play a role in your online dating success as a good “first impression” but your profile photo is the single most important component. 

I call it the “Pre- First Impression”. He/She needs to even look at your first photo to even consider swiping right to it. You can’t get to the first impression part if you’ve lost before it even started!

With that said, it is that little thumbnail image that determines whether or not someone opens your opening message. This isn’t universal, but consider women as an example. The more texts a woman receives every day, the pickier she becomes. Have you ever deleted an opening message just because of the thumbnail? Think about how many times a week you would do this if instead of getting one or two, you were getting 20 to 50 a day.

Now you get it.

When it comes to sorting through their messages, most attractive women are simply too lazy to do it. You must presume that she will just look at the thumbnails to decide whether or not to open the message, so if your primary image isn’t the single best shot you own, you are doing yourself a disservice. You don’t want corny topless shots, formal pictures, or Myspace-style self-portraits—you want a picture that represents you as a calm, cool person who has an active social life.

2. Writing an Interesting Bio is The Key Part of The Process

It doesn’t matter what type of information you include in your profile as long as you communicate honesty and vulnerability. The best way to show sincerity is to write your primary bio in a relaxed conversational style without trying to “big yourself up.” This is not an interview boys and girls; you are not auditioning for anybody, so quit writing like you’re trying to impress.  You’ll come off as insecure and your chances of meeting someone will be nearly nonexistent if you seem like a douche.

The willingness to put oneself out there without fear of being rejected is what it means to be vulnerable. Are you a raging gamer who blames their team when you know you grieved the game? Are you a musician? Are you massive a weeb who learns Japanese through anime and people think you talk weird because of that? Don’t be embarrassed to share who you are and what you enjoy. Don’t be afraid to share who you are and what you love doing. What makes a person truly attractive is being comfortable in their own skin and having the courage to express themselves without fretting about what others think. Ask your close friend or somebody you trust to proofread your profile to ensure that what you’ve written is true and is an accurate reflection of your personality and that you’re not coming off as a lunatic.

Unless your kink is someone crazy like Joe Goldberg from “You” or Holly Viola from “You Get Me”. Then by all means, go ahead. I don’t judge, but be careful. 

3. That Make or Break First Message

Okay, you’ve set up your profile and taken a few photos, you’re now ready to send your first message! What do you do? *snaps fingers* 

It’s okay if you don’t have the answer boys and girls. I’m here to guide you. That’s why you’re here reading this.

Here’s the strategy:

First, don’t just send out the message without thinking about who you’re writing to or what you’re trying to accomplish. It won’t mean much to pay a gorgeous woman a physical compliment. So no “Hi you look beautiful” or some corny pickup line, or she is going to just say “Thanks” and end it right there. Even some of the best dating apps couldn’t help you. Similarly, don’t taunt someone who gives the impression of not being the most self-assured person in the room.  For my female readers, when messaging men, keep your flirtatiousness to a minimum to avoid setting off their “BS detector”. Instead, provide a non-sexual compliment and express interest in something from his profile. Hey, you guys need to also read that last sentence too because it applies both ways.

Secondly, a little common sense goes a long way here people:

Read their profile.

Read it again.

Try to locate something that the majority of people probably missed. Does she have an anime or movie or a show she loves that you have seen? Is she studying something you are familiar with? Do you coincidentally play the same sport as her? Do both of you coincidentally play the same video game? Whether it’s a precise piece of knowledge or just a vibe you’re getting, find anything that you can use. That’s what you should focus on. A few words and a few pictures can’t tell you much about someone, but it is essential that you trust your instincts. Hate to break it to you my readers, this takes time and consistent practice. The more messages you send, the more competent you will become.

Going on online dating sites in Malaysia is much like meeting someone face-to-face— it’s a game of numbers, and the sooner you understand this, the better off you’ll be.

4. Getting Off the Internet and onto Your First Date

So now if you’ve gotten past the whole online process, good job my readers. Not a lot of people can get past the previous stage. This next stage is a little tricky so pay attention.

Now then,there are two distinct ways to leave a dating site: The first is a lengthy process, but it is undoubtedly the safest option, whereas the second is highly “high risk-high reward,” but it is the fastest technique if done correctly.

Option number 1

The slower approach focuses on cultivating a sense of mutual respect and understanding. The most effective approach to accomplish this is to advocate for a shift away from online dating in favour of a more intimate means of connection. Nowadays, you can communicate via Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp (If you are able to get their number from them). With Facebook, you can see more of their images and learn more about the social circles they frequently hang out in. Not going to lie, it’s a little stalkerish but remember boys and girls, they’ll see everything on your profile as well, so it’s an equivalent exchange. (If you got that reference, you are a person of culture but moving on.)

WhatsApp is basically an instant messaging service that allows you to communicate with your friends and family at any time of the day and it’s a great way to have some fun. After you’ve built up some trust, you can then move to talking on the phone—hey, you already have each other’s phone numbers, so it makes sense.

Option number 2

You can skip all of this if you want and head straight to the meet up. Doing so requires the use of common sense (I hope you have some), as well as bringing this up at the appropriate moment. Based on my personal experience, I would do this after about 20-30 exchanges. Assuming you’re exchanging at least a text per day, this should only take one week.

I’d bring it up casually with a comment like, “You seem pretty cool, we should meet up soon.” Somewhere along those lines. Even though it’s ambiguous and doesn’t compel them to respond immediately, it demonstrates that your goal is to meet up, rather than to find a new friend. Make a tentative date proposal like “That’s great, I’m free on Monday to Wednesday evenings and maybe Sunday afternoon; let me know what works best for you” if the reaction is positive. Set up a few alternatives, such as different times of day, and wait for the response. I would say 70% of the time you probably will get a definitive date set from this, but if you maintain texting each other, you can try again the following week.

 Remember that as long as you keep talking to each other, there is still a mutual interest. Don’t be discouraged by an early “no,” as this could signify anything from being nervous about meeting someone online to simply being too busy with work. Maintain your composure and avoid complaining at all costs. Assume responsibility for every decision and show that you understand. Take your time as well as treat them with respect.

You can always revert back to option 1 if you need to at this point.

5. Dos and Don’ts on a First Date

  • Choose your own location, preferably somewhere you’ll feel at ease and where you’ll be able to sit or walk side by side. Don’t go out to dinner, go to the movies, or sit across from each other because these activities encourage detachment.
  • Act as if you’re on your second date. Start by chatting like you would with a good friend, rather than with an awkward hello and a million questions.
  • Don’t make an offer to pay for a drink; simply go ahead and do it. If they object, simply tell them that the next round (or the next time, if it’s just a quick meet) is on them.
  • The key to establishing rapport is to show that you know what you’re doing. Show that you’ve heard and understood what they’re saying then follow up with a similar story/example from your own experience that illustrates your point. For example:  “Wow you’re a Predator rank on Apex?! That’s like top 750 players in the game, that’s so awesome! —I’ve been grinding to get to Predator but the closest I’ve got to is Masters. But it’s always those last few games before reaching Pred (predator) that I couldn’t profit off because..”
  • Share your online dating, blind dating experiences in Malaysia with each other, and laugh about the bizarre weird messages you’ve gotten.
  • Avoid revealing how many people you have met up with during a one-year period, or if the person you are meeting is inexperienced about online dating.
  • Don’t be scared to go for the kiss if there has been some flirting and you feel that you both seem to have enjoyed the date. It is rare to receive a rejection, and when you do, it displays appealing traits.
  • Use common sense, but don’t let fear stop you from taking action.
  • Keep in mind that you aren’t attempting to sell yourself in this situation. Approach the situation with the perspective of determining whether or not this individual fulfils YOUR standards, not the other way around. Without appearing needy, be nice, flirtatious, witty, and chatty.
  • Don’t ask for a second date; simply say that you’d want to meet them again and that you’ll be in touch soon to set things up.

6. Some Important Things to Remember

Fake profiles are easy to spot from a mile away; it’s that easy. If there is simply one photo of someone with above-average looks, little to no profile information, mentions sex in any way whatsoever, then move on. Trust me guys and girls, not worth the effort. 

Similarly, guys: Women rarely send out the first message; so if you receive a flirty message from an attractive lady and you feel uneasy about it, don’t hesitate to respond—but be aware—check those trigger signals I’ve mentioned and use your intuition.

Girls: you WILL receive a lot of messages from men who want sex. Unfortunately, it happens so best to be aware of it from the beginning. In most cases, they’re merely socially awkward. Not even a courteous “no thanks” will suffice in these situations. Only reply to the guys that have taken the time to compose a thoughtful opening statement.

 I know this is a little ironic to say, but your job is not to make them like you or get them interested. You’re like a street vendor who has a table of stuff that is laid out. Your job is to lay the stuff on the table and if they’re interested, they’ll play the game. What I mean is to show that you are authentic. Authenticity is very important, boys and girls. Remember, your date will be inclined to take interest in someone who’s comfortable in their own skin, yes including their flaws. 

So there you have it. If you’ve stuck around this long, you are a true one for even reading this.  I believe this tutorial (while covering the essentials) is enough to help you get started, and if you follow my advice about using your common sense and instincts, you’ll have an enjoyable experience. Have a good time and be careful!

More articles like this here.

Sarmilan Gaijandren
Just an English Major from UTAR who is a part time rapper

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